Listening and speaking skills
THE SKILL OF LISTENING
Developing a good listening skill is a positive start to improving communication skills. From the professional literature and research you may know that after listening to a lecture you can repeat only about 50% of the content. Next day you remember only 25% and the week later only 10% (jackmalcolm.com). Naturally, a lot depends on your memory and the way you train it. However, having a good memory does not necessarily mean that you are a good listener. In everyday life many people realize that while listening to others, they already form answers to questions that have not been yet asked. What it means is that they are not really listening.
Listening can be easy if you are not in a hurry, well prepared to listen and ready to respond. But is your listening always perfect? Unfortunately, the answer is no. There are many barriers and obstacles to the process of listening. Let’s look at some of them:
- Distractors e.g. speaker’s dress, make up, vocabulary, etc. Try to avoid or at least diminish their role while listening to somebody. Concentrate on the speaker, not on your feelings about their appearance and mannerisms.
- Environment distractors: outside noise, music in the room, other people talking, etc. Try to create a “good atmosphere” for your listening, focusing on the speaker.
- Stereotyping and jumping to conclusions too quickly. You should listen to the speaker until s/he finishes. Do not interrupt and do not judge too quickly. If we have preconceived ideas, are biased, make quick judgements, sometimes based on previous experiences, we will not become good listeners. We need to have an open mind and be able to empathize with others in order to become successful listeners.
As we have already said, listening is never perfect. You should be ready to accept a situation, far from an ideal one, and be aware of barriers you can meet while listening to somebody. The important issue is to have enough time to share messages and information according to certain, socially acceptable ways. Therefore, ask questions if the message is unclear, but do not interrupt. Then listen again and try to understand the message, but if it is still unclear, ask for extra explanation.
What is also worth mentioning here is the obvious fact that listening to somebody in face-to-face communication is easier than without seeing a person. When you watch someone talking you can take into account both verbal and nonverbal signals. When you speak to someone on the phone, for example, you may miss some of the important physical feedback.
If you want to be a good listener you should learn to boost your skill. Firstly, you should prepare yourself for listening. In all kinds of situations, both formal and informal, you will have to listen to people. It does not really matter if you are going to have an informal get-together with friends, or a formal meeting with your boss; in both cases you need to use your listening skill to your advantage. So, relax, put other things out of your mind, and focus on the speaker.
Secondly, be active while listening. Always provide feedback to your counterpart, either nonverbally (e.g. nodding your head) or by using reflecting phrases (e.g., you said…).
Thirdly, be interested in the speaker and the topic. Show your empathy and interest. You may take some notes if a given topic needs extra consultation or references.
Also, do not rely on stereotypes while listening. Every situation is unique and if you stereotype someone, you become less objective and, therefore, less likely to listen carefully.
And, last but not least, smile and be positive while listening. People do react positively to a smile, as they feel unthreatened to voice their opinions.